I have been a member of the Mother's Against Drunk Driving organization since it was initiated. Although I have not, until recently, been able to volunteer time (busy raising kids), I have supported them both morally and financially over the years.
I have not been a "victim" (nor has anyone in my immediate family) of a drunk or impaired driver but this does not preclude me from supporting them wholeheartedly. The license plates on my car read "MADDMOM" and have done so for the past 12 years. Many people "mistake" the meaning on my plates, believing they relate to being a "crazy" or "nutty" mom. Sometimes (most times?) this is also true. But the fact remains that I am first and foremost a supporter of the organization.
Being a 9-1-1 dispatcher for 22 years now, I have also been privy to the damage done by impaired drivers, be it alcohol or drugs. It is possible, just from hearing the details of an accident, to pretty much guess when alcohol (or drugs) has been a factor. It is usually not a "pretty sight," even for those of us who can only hear via our dispatch radios.
So PLEASE do not drink (ANY amount of alcohol) or use drugs and get behind the wheel of a vehicle. Not only are you protecting yourself by doing so, you are ensuring that innocent citizens are going to live and remain uninjured because of your decision.
In this section, I ask the question: "WHY does this keep going on?" Who will or can stop it? YOU and ME, that's who! Read on and maybe, just maybe, you will realize the senselessness of DUI.
A pregnant woman, on her way to the hospital with her husband to deliver their baby, was killed when a pickup truck crossed the center line and slammed into the couple's car. The unborn baby couldn't be saved.
Killed in the accident was a 23-year-old (name withheld). Her husband, 24-year-old (name withheld), who was driving the car, was injured in the wreck.
The baby was delivered stillborn at the hospital, and it's mother died later that day.
The pregnant woman was the mother of three other children, who were not in the car at the time of the accident.
The responsible driver, 24, of Texas, was charged with DUI manslaughter and was being treated at the hospital for minor injuries before being taken to the County Jail, police said. He was also wanted on a warrant out of Miami for a previous DUI.
Mrs. X still wakes up every morning from a nightmare, tortured by the memory of her husband and two children being killed by a drunken driver.
"I want you to know about my first waking moment of each day, when the nausea of the nightmare is not a dream but the raw reality of my life-term sentence," the widow told a tear-filled courtroom Wednesday as the man who killed half her family was about to be sentenced.
She and her two surviving daughters were joined by 50 people from her town. They gathered in the historic County Courthouse to ensure that the Judge imposed at least the 24 years-to-life sentence that was part of a plea bargain with Robert Phillip Scott, a multiple drunken-driving offender.
Scott was driving the pickup truck that killed Mr. X, 52, and his daughter, 21, and son, 15, on Jan. 17, 1997. The three were five minutes from the Ski Resort where they planned to spend a long weekend.
By pleading guilty to lesser charges in September, Scott avoided a trial. His lawyers said he went for the plea to spare both his parents and the victims more pain. He could be eligible for parole after serving about 22 years.
Scott had a blood alcohol level of 0.22 percent -- almost three times the legal limit for driving -- when his truck crossed the narrow two-lane highway and slammed head-on into the victim's sport utility vehicle.
Scott was traveling at 70 mph. The SUV was going 14 mph. Scott's brother was thrown from the bed of the pickup truck and killed instantly. The truck also smashed into another car and injured four other people, two of whom testified Wednesday.
Scott had at least one other conviction for driving under the influence in recent years and other brushes with the law over his drinking.
A 6-year-old boy died, his younger sister clung to life and a baby was suffering from serious head injuries after all three were rammed by a drunk driver who lost control of his car on a busy Miami street.
The driver tried to flee, witnesses said. But he was caught by another motorist who jumped from his vehicle to stop him.
The tragedy unfolded shortly after 9 p.m. at a city intersection when the out-of-control car plowed into the three children -- a brother and sister and a 1-year-old baby unrelated to them.
The 2-year-old girl's body flew onto the street, and her brother was left pinned between the car and a garbage bin, witnesses said. A mangled stroller was tossed into the roadway.
"I heard the crash, looked up and saw everybody screaming," said (name withheld), who was across the street in his car, waiting at a stop sign. "Then everybody started screaming, `He's running! He's running!' "
The witness leapt from his car to stop him. He held the driver on the ground while calling 9-1-1 on a cellular telephone. "I told the police, `You better hurry because these people are going to kill him,' " the witness said. "The mother was there, the father was there, the whole family was there, and they were all trying to get at the guy. He was drunk. He kept saying, `Oh my God, my life is over. My life is over. Leave me alone.' It got so crazy I had to leave as soon as the police got there."
When the witness looked at the wreckage, the man's blue four-door car was on the sidewalk, pinning 6-year-old (name withheld) against a garbage bin. His arms and legs appeared broken, the witness said.
The child was pronounced dead shortly after arriving at Ryder Trauma Center about 9:15 p.m., said a Jackson Children's Hospital spokesman.
The boy's sister, (name withheld), 2, was in critical condition with multiple trauma, the spokesman added.
The 1-year-old baby,(name withheld), was in serious condition with head and facial injuries.
The siblings were on the street with their parents, whose car had broken down at the same location, authorities said. Police dispatchers said no further information was available.
"It appears the motorist ran up on the sidewalk," said a Miami Fire Rescue spokesman. "The police department arrested the driver. I don't know what his mental status was."
A Santa Cruz man, accused of killing a California Highway
Patrol officer when his car careened out of control last January on a Santa Clara County freeway, was dangerously impaired by drugs and alcohol, a prosecution expert told a Santa Clara County Superior Court Judge Tuesday.
The expert pharmacologist testified that he analyzed blood samples taken from motorist (name withheld) shortly after the fatal crash, looking specifically for marijuana. The specimens showed the warehouse worker had a high level of pot in his system and that its useage had been "recent," he added.
The effects of the drug would be "mental relaxation ... reduced alertness and speed of response," that would gradually decline as time wore on, the witness told the judge during the second day of (name withheld) preliminary hearing.
In addition to marijuana in (name withheld) blood, analysts also discovered traces of the prescription tranquilizers lithium and lorazepam as well as the stimulant methamphetamine, authorities said. The level of methamphetamine found was reportedly "more than twice" the amount of a therapeutic dosage, the toxicologist testified.
Typically, he said, the use of methamphetime leads the user to become confused and exhibit "increased risk-taking behavior." Along with the other drugs, evidence of alcohol was also present in (name withheld's) blood, he added.
The 46-year-old suspect who, according to authorities and witnesses, has a history of drunken driving, drug abuse and mental illness, is charged with second degree murder in connection with the accident that claimed the life Scott Greenly, 31, the first CHP officer killed in the line of duty in Santa Clara County, Ca., since 1975.
If convicted, the suspect could face a maximum penalty of 15 years to life
in prison. (Name withheld) is being held without bail in Santa Clara County Jail.
Greenly was standing on the shoulder of Highway 85 south of Saratoga Ave. to issue a warning to a motorist he stopped for tailgating when the suspect's car roared up from behind and slammed into him.
Toxicology tests later showed that (name withheld) had a 0.02 percent blood
alcohol level, well below the state's 0.08 percent legal limit,
according to court records. Those tests also showed that (name withheld) had 0.078 percent level of methamphetamine in his blood, as well as evidence of marijuana and such prescription drugs as lithium,authorities said.
During his interview with the CHP after the fatal crash, the suspect acknowledged that he had taken Vodka and prescription drugs and should not have been driving.
A Deputy District Attorney asked the expert witness what effect such a combination of drugs and alcohol would have on an individual. He said that when taken together they would very likely dangerously impair someone's judgment and physical responses. "I would be concerned about the person's ability to operate a motor vehicle safely," he replied.
For a few weeks before the accident, the suspect had been driving back and forth from Santa Cruz to Stanford University Hospital to visit his wife, severely ill with cancer. During that period, he was under heavy pressure, reportedly getting as little as two hours of sleep a night, according to his lawyer, a deputy public defender.
On Tuesday, a CHP investigator related details of one of the suspect's visits there. The suspect was driving onto Stanford's grounds Christmas Day, two weeks before the fatal mishap, when he nearly collided with one of his wife's intensive care nurses. After continuing on to the parking garage, the two got out of their cars and had a brief confrontation. The suspect smelled of alcohol, said the nurse. She scolded (name withheld) for his driving and warned that unless he changed, would wind up killing someone.
To that, the suspect responded: "I don't care," the CHP investigator said.
On Monday, a drug specialist had testified for the prosecution that (name withheld's) drug use in conjunction with alcohol consumption before the accident had been enough to render an average person unconscious.
The motorist Greenly stopped to issue a warning, testified that the officer was just walking away from her pickup truck when the suspect's vehicle smashed into the side of her vehicle and raced up an embankment dragging Greenly along.
The impact from the suspect's car "felt like a meteor hit," she said.
UPDATE: In January, 1999, one year after Officer Greenly's death, the state named this section of the freeway for Officer Greenly.
Calling him a public safety risk, a County judge on Monday denied a repeat drunken driver's request to be set free while he awaits trial.
The arrestee, 41, is in the County Jail after not being able to post $200,000 bail. He faces felony charges of criminal vehicular homicide and driving after his license had been revoked in an Oct. 29 accident in which he allegedly struck and killed a local male resident.
The arrestee's blood alcohol level was more than twice the legal limit of 0.10, prosecutors said.
Between 1976 and 1991, the suspect was convicted of drunken driving five times. In 1991, he was sentenced to five years in prison for killing a woman while he was driving drunk and without a license. In fact, he has not had a valid driver's license since 1987. And that hasn't kept him from getting behind the wheel.
If convicted, this person could spend up to 31 years in prison and pay up to $63,000 in fines.
The following is an editorial. I say "Here! Here!" and agree wholeheartedly!
Re the sentencing of Julio Gonzalez who, while driving drunk, killed Florida Highway Patrol Trooper Robert Smith: Drunk drivers are like loaded guns waiting to claim the next innocent victim. The laws need to be changed to eliminate the different degrees of homicide. Dead is dead. There are no degrees of death. There should be one punishment for taking another person's life -- you forfeit your own.
A 15-year sentence is a slap on the wrist after killing an honorable police officer and destroying his family. A drunk driver responsible for killing an innocent victim should be charged with first-degree murder.
These are real stories, taken from various reliable sources. The names don't matter (unless you caused the accident while DUI). However, for the sake of the victims, I will not print any names here. They and their families have suffered quite enough.
In the case of CHP officer Greenly, and Trooper Smith, I make an exception. An officer, killed in the line of duty while protecting those he is sworn to protect, should never be forgotten.
The stories are endless. Only the names and locations change. I hope, for all our sakes, that having read these, you will find it within yourself to get involved in the fight against DUI. Local numbers are listed in phone books. Please, do what you can.
The following is an e-mail I received from someone unknown to me. I read this with interest, and after a couple of weeks, I was finally able to respond to her...It is printed here in it's original form...
Hi,
I'm not as madd as you. I forgive. But my heartbreak is much deeper than
yours because I'm a mom on the other side of the fence. Your maddness put my
18 year old son in prison for over six years for an accident. His father
deserted him before he was born, he had a very painful life. He made a
mistake and thanks to Madd the pain he and I have indured has been much much
much much more than losing anything or anyone I've lost. And I've lost alot.
Can you respond to pain ? Death is final. Watching a child who made a
mistake just like you've made is an ongoing process. No one sympathises no
one cares. We hurt on and on. And I hurt on and on because he is my son.
Can you still feel pain? Or are you to angry? Can you sympathise with me? I
can with you. But I want to ask you - can you understand that my pain and my
son's pain is much more severe because the blow of death didn't end it. It
only began it.
A mistake, an accident. You say murder-No MADD in God's PURE EYE SIGHT it
will always be what it was. An accident.
I'm so sorry for MADD. I hate anger. Anger cause your perception to be off.
It causeses you to respond poorly. It cause you to hurt poor young men who
made a mistake to suffer in prison with murderers and queers and causes
mothers who sacrificed their very own lives to suffer for the maddness of
people unable to look at at a tragedy as a tragedgy instead of a murder.
Bless you.
Your probably to MADD to respond to my pain.
But I want to ask you a question - Are you happy that I'm suffering? Do you
enjoy a fatherless 18 year to have spent six years in prison for an accident?
Are you glad that you got revenge? Are you happy that Me an innocent mother
has suffered for six years for a car accident? Do you feel better that MADD
has power enough to hurt a single mother and a fatherless child? But won't
stop the government from selling the poison?
I don't have alot of respect for you because you want to punish sick people.
But allow the government to make money off sick people. They do call
alcoholism a disease you know.
I'm not sure what I want from you or what you will give me. I respect your
pain.
But could you find it in your heart to respect an 18 year old making a
mistake?
you made them too? Perhaps the same one. Is it worth it to punish kids?
do you get satisfaction from revenge. Will it bring your loved one back?
I'm curious what you get out of punishing kids and sick people. Why not push
the government to take alcohol off the market?
you've done alot of good things - offering cab rides for people - alcohol
awareness - etc. But the torture of prison for 18 year olds. You know where
your loved one is. Hopefull in the arms of a loving God. Mine is in the
torture chamber that MADD pushed for. Why? Does it help You.
And, now, my response to this woman:
I feel compelled to respond to this e-mail for several reasons. I will address those for you.
You sound like a very angry and bitter woman. I am so sorry for that. Life dishes out and we have to learn to live with what we have. Life is NOT easy for any of us.
The fact that your son's father left him (and you) has absolutely nothing to do with why your son is in prison right now. I would think that from the length of his sentence, due to HIS drunk driving, someone was either terribly injured or killed. This was total and absolute disprespect on your sons part. I know of NO state in this country where an 18 year old is allowed to drink legally, much less get behind the wheel of a car.
No one in my personal family has been injured because of a drunk or impaired driver. This is an assumption on your part. I do not believe in waiting to become a victim! After many years as a 9-1-1 dispatcher, I have seen too many instances of what impaired driving can do. Why should I wait for this to happen to me? I don't think I should, and therefore, I do what I can to prevent it from happening ever again.
The pain of having a child in prison must be immense. Instead of coming down on ME, why not visit him, giving him the support and help he so obviously needs? By e-mailing me, you aren't doing HIM any good.
He needs help. Why not see that he gets it? Let's both hope that he is not as bitter at life as you sound.
Nobody involved in a DUI (whichever side they are on) is ever a winner. The pain for both sides is immense. The family of the victim suffers with questions of "why"??? DUI is such a preventable yet destructive socia phenomonen.
The only thing I feel for any convicted person of DUI is relief that they were caught. It sounds that your son was caught too late (did he kill someone?). With any hope, he will spend his sentence reflecting on his life and making corrections to never let this happen again. There are times to forgive. However, when the destructive behavior continues, it's not time to forgive, it's time to seek help for the problem! Why did you not see this in your son? Are you too full of self-pity to help those you were charged with to raise?
We all make mistakes. Accepting responsiblilty for those mistakes, paying the price, then getting on with our lives is the best course of action.
For your own sake, I hope you are getting professional attention to deal with the anger and grief. For your son's sake, I hope he has learned his lesson. For the victim's family's sake, I hope they find peace in their lives.
Thank you for writing me.
After submitting this e-mail to a mailing list I belong to, I received some of the following replies:
Dear Hurting Mom:
Welcome to that special club no one wants to belong to.
You, too, are a victim of a drunk driver.
I agree with your statement . . . "death is final." Death
is very final. You say that you've lost a lot. Here are
some of the things I've lost because a young woman chose to
drive after drinking and then murdered my mother:
Here's another response:
" You seem to have all the answers for you son's "accident".
My daughter is also dealing with an "accident". She was also abandoned at
birth by her father. She went nine years of not knowing what it was to have
a dad that would give her the world. Then I met Billy. They instantly
clicked, he became that dad to her. We became engaged and Adrienne was on
cloud nine when he asked her to be his "best man". then came "the accident",
Billy was killed. But that didn't end the pain as you may think, that was
what began it. In that minute that I watched my daughter fall apart.
Perhaps it would be easier for you to put yourself in his mother's shoes.
See she was a single mom to but she is also in a wheelchair because of the
disease MS. Billy stopped in every day to see her and see if she needed
anything. Now she sits in her wheelchair everyday mourning for the son that
was taken away by an "accident".
That was over a year ago. She is still in counselling. I still am watching
her suffer and because of her pain I hurt on and on.
Alcoholism is a disease; driving under the influence is not. If someone is
affected by this disease I pray they get help. If someone chooses to get
behind then I feel no pity for them. Being Alcoholic does not automatically
mean being irresponsible.
I guess I wanted to say that I see you are suffering. Billy's suffering ended as soon as he was hit, our suffering will go on much longer than the time
that your son gets out of jail. And personally I would give anything right
now for visiting hours.
Michelle
p.s perhaps you would like to see a webpage done in memory of Billy. It is
HERE
You should check out my fatherless daughter's poem that she wrote. It may
open your eyes.
And, this woman was so upset by the e-mail, she had 2 responses. The initial one was similar to mine.
I read this letter today and such anger welled up in me.... who does
this lady think she is.
Maybe she should have taught her fatherless son NOT to drink and drive
and kill innocent people.
Due to drunk drivers so many young innocent children grow up without
their parents, and I can guarentee her these children don't assume they
have a license to kill becuase they are parentless.
I am sorry for writing like this ... I guess I am still hurting from
my loss.
After calming down, she was able to respond this way:
Isn't it amazing how the victims are at fault and not the criminal. Because
believe it or not her son is a criminal, and she is trying to blame the
victims because he has to pay a price for his crime. Forgiveness can happen
but you still reap what you sow and now he is reaping what he sowed. As for
an accident, when you get behind the wheel of a vehicle after you have been
drinking you make a choice and that choice cost others their lives. This was
no accident. I just am too angry to make much sense I guess. I have dealt
with this kind of ignorance since my beautiful son Craig was killed one year
ago. In my case the Drunk Driver blamed me also for her having to serve
time in prison.
I want to say to this mother at least you have your son you can write, talk
to him on the phone, go visit him and are assured that in probably about 3
years he will be back with you. We do not have that luxury. It's just like
I told the woman who killed my son: I would gladly serve your time in prison
if I could have my Craigy back.
And yet another response:
Your son is in prison because he killed someone...You still have him, you
can touch him. If not now then when he gets out. The family of the victim
of your sons' drinking spree will never see their family member again. You
think this is not as bad as your suffering and your sons' suffering?
My brother was killed 27 years ago. He is not forgotten. He will never be
forgotten and he will be missed forever. He will never have children for my
parents to love. I will never have nieces or nephews of his to see. In 1972
the laws were not as strict. The driver was never convicted of any
wrongdoing even though two 17 yr. old boys were killed because of his
drinking and driving. It did not make me more angry because of him not
being held accountable. How can you become anything when you have just lost
your brother?
Granted, drinking and driving goes on all the time, but, it is no excuse.
The system must change, and for now prosecuting the drunk driver is the
first step of many that needs to be taken.
My best friend's son is in prison right now because of his drinking and
driving but, his mother is ever so grateful that he is in a cage rather
than a box six foot under the ground where she can never see him, talk to
him, and someday hold him in her arms again. If offered a choice, I think
we would all take 6 years as opposed to the rest of our lives without our
loved ones.
I am sorry for your pain, please be sorry for ours.
Ready for yet another one?
I have sat here and read the letter from this woman over and over. Now I
have reach the point that I just have to respond to her remarks. Not all
of us are Angry and Vengeful as she seems to think. I know that no one goes
out and intentionally kills another in a car, but I do know that some teens
or older adults Do Not Think of the effects caused by drinking and driving.
" Oh I am not drunk, Oh I won't Kill or hurt anyone, " these are the
thoughts if they think about it at all. But nevertheless more and more each
day loved ones are killed and injured because of these kind of thoughts.
My daughter, her fiancé and a friend were all killed because of one
individual who partied and then drove down the road on the wrong side and
hit them head on. My daughter and her boyfriend were both teachers and had
much to give to the world. They are missed and mourned by not just me, but
by thousands of students and parents whose lives were touched by these
caring individuals. Am I angry? Yes perhaps I am, but it is anger from How
unfair it is that one boy who didn't even care enough to graduate from High
school and should be careless enough to think he could drink and drive and
the result was he ended the lives of others by this carelessness.
I know his family knew he drank and did drugs and I often wonder at times
what they are thinking of all this. You see he also was killed so there was
no arrest, no trial, nothing left but pain and emptiness. How sad that
lives should be lost because of a good time, a party, and a attitude of " I
can handle it" His family has each other to hold onto and other siblings,
I have no one, she was my only child and the last of my family Her father
had died 5 years before her and now they are together and I am alone. So
to the woman who is very angry at us who have lost our loved ones I say, "
You can reach out and hug your boy, you can share his pain if there is any,
and in a few years he will again start his life. We have nothing to reach
out and touch , only memories of smiles and laughter, or a article of
clothing that still have the scent of what was once and only pictures to
look at and cry as we hold them . I do not feel sorry for you or your son
and I do not understand your anger at MADD, You should be grateful that he
is alive and has another chance in this world. I think it is attitudes like
yours that lead teens to do the things they do in this life. This attitude
that others are at fault for what has happened to you and you had no part
in it at all. "Oh poor me, the world is against what I do " What if he
had gone out and stabbed someone would you also blame the person who was
killed? Would you blame the company who had made the knife ? Yes I can
see why he had not been responsible enough to know the dangers of drinking
and driving. Although life at this time has placed him in prison this is
as it should be and if he has killed someone which you did not say, then
even his short prison stay will never replace the loss that he has caused to
others. May he come out a wiser and more responsible person then his
mother is at this time. The next time you look into his eyes think of all
the thousands of mothers who can never do this with their child..........
This one comes from a young woman who is scared to drive because of DUI.
I can honesty say that i fel theese mohers pain for heir lost children
and loved ones. My mohers best frends mother was killed by a drunk
driver in broad daylght. she was dragged undeneath a dump truck for 2
miles while being chaed by stat patol offcers. i am 18 years old
anddon't have my liscense because of that. i am scared to death that on
my way home or anywhere for that matter that something might happen to
me or someone i love dearly. i probably never will get my liscense and
it's not because i don't trust myself, it's because i don't trust
everyone else. i treasure every moment i get to share wth my family, and
i have too many dreams for my future, i want kids a career that i can be
proud of and especially fell the love hat only your children can give.
like that that i try to give my mother every day. i know we have our
problems, but who doesn't? it doesn't mean i love her or the rest of my
family any less because we have our arguments. i don't know what i'm
trying to say with all of this, but what ever it is i hope and pray that
someone out there listens and actually hars what i have to say. thank
you so much for taking your time to read this.
The responses just keep coming in:
I apologize for it taking me so long to respond, it took me a while to calm
down.
I am glad you have found it in your heart to forgive. I am assuming you mean
you have forgiven your son for his complete and total disregard for human
life. And that you have forgiven yourself for being an enabler for his
alcoholism. Because I am certain that you didn't mean you forgive the legal
system for doing what you were unable or unwilling to do, teach you son
respect for the lives of others, and simple right from wrong. And I know,
beyond a doubt, that you didn't mean that you forgive MADD members for being
innocent victims of senseless drunks, who kill, maim, and destroy. And surely
you understand that "Murder" is not a "Mistake" in any way shape or form. Or
that spending a mere six years in a state run dorm, complete with central heat
and air, three square meals a day, gym, law library, and free education (all
at the expense of tax payers, the victims of these inmates) is punishment.
I do agree with you that alcoholism is a disease. But having a disease or a
"rough life" does not give a person a license to kill.
So, instead of writing poor me letters and wallowing in self pity, go to an
ALANON meeting. You need help as much as your son does.
Ready for yet another one?
I just read your page and it was wonderful.
I saw that someone wrote a letter as the mother of a drunk driver.
I cried so much when I saw what she had wrote. I have not lost anyone to
drunk driving.
I cried because I couldn't believe someone could be so heartless about
another's pain. It seemed that her pain was all that mattered.
All I have to say is, "HOW DARE YOU!!!!"
How dare you smash your pain into the faces of the victim. How dare you even
begin to compare what you feel against their loss!
YOU CAN'T RELATE!!!! YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO COMPARE PAINS!!!!
I don't worry about her son, he's paying his price (which is mild compared to
his crime). I worry about her. I hope that she seeks the help she
desperately needs.
I don't hate the son or her. I hate the ALCOHOL!
AND! By the way, to the mother who wrote that, a neglected life is NOT AN
EXCUSE.
I have suffered years of tramatic abuse that would blow his life out of the
water by far!
I as an abused, neglected, beat-up, raped, pushed around, molested, and
watched a suicide happen human being am sick of hearing people use their past
as their excuse for errors made in their present!
HE chose to drink! HE chose to drive! HE chose to RISK KILLING SOMEONE!
HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OWN ACTIONS AS AN ADULT!
How dare you believe that any of the victims hold any responsibility in him
being in jail! Based on your email I am sure that we know where the remainder
of his problem lies...in someone being a dishrag in raising him!
May GOD bless the hearts of those who have had to suffer for YOUR IGNORANCE in
what MADD has done for the victims!
Had you responded in a manner that wasn't so attacking you would have got my
sympathy as I generally feel sympathy for those who truly want that.
But truly...
If you've left go of the anger hon, I'd hate to see you MADD!
-signed A MOTHER WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE A VICTIM
I'm sorry for such a response but this just hurts. It hurts to see a woman
smash the strides MADD has made for victims. It hurts to see that people
STILL under note the trauma the loss endures on society.
GOD BLESS you and MADD
hello...i am a 33 year old woman who has been fatherless all my life..untill my mother got remarried to a man that liked young girls..then i was raped..and abused in ways you couldn't think of...unless you have been there...he was a drunk most of the time as well..and HIS mother was the same as this unbelieveable woman...it was always someone or somethings elses fault...how can you begin to compare your pain with that of the family your son wrecked...i am assuming he killed someone...and on that assumption i am telling you this....How Dare You try to blame ANYONE but YOURSELF....you keep saying your son is a kid..a child...he was 18..legal age ..but not legal to drink...where were you ...i have to be honest in saying..with your attude i can see why he is where he is now...and his little stint with the jail system is a holiday compared to the place the family he ruined is at....it is almost unconceible to me that you can really type these things and believe them...it boggles my mind...and to you all i can say is this...you should have to feel the REAL loss that the other family is feeling...not this little vacation from your son...the real pain that the loss of an innocent victum has to face everyday...i am so angry at the stupidy of this woman and many like her...but i will pray that the Lord opens your eyes before tragety really hits your home...because it hasnt yet..unless you count the assnine way you have raised your son.......i hope MADD never forgets its responsiblty to these poor family members..and puts away every drunk in the United States!!!...please excuse me..i am so angry ...and again..i will pray for you the family your son destroyed....excuse my spelling please....thanks for your time.....(This one was from Patti)
Ok, here's another one...They just keep coming in! And I'm glad. If this page gets just ONE person to NOT drink and drive, then I've done well. Read on...
Hi this is Kim i am not under this e-mail so i would appreciate it if you would please e-mail me back at here. I am a 16 year old female who has lost a friend to drunk driving. The teenager or should i say young adult(18) was in a stolen van with his two friends or i would call them aqquaintances and the two "friends" were drinking and getting high along with him(which was a BIG mistake) and they were headed down a empty road with a dead end that dead end happened to be leading right into a canal. Well, the driver was going about 85-90mi/hr and lost control of the van and headed right into the canal. The two boys gotout safely but my friend did not and what upsets me the most is teh two boys who were ok did not bother to help him and they walked 3hrs to their other friends house and finally called for help. These kind of people i think they deserve what they have coming to them and im only 16 and that taught me a valuable learning thought NEVER TRUST ANYONE especially if they will indanger your life. What i was e-mailing you for was to find out if you had anymore stories that would make my family and friends aware of the tragic things going on? Thank-you, Kim
And yet another one comes in...
I am a 21 year old who has just recently made the decision to stop drinking.
I felt that alcohol was running my life, and hurting my life and the people
in my life. I believe that alcoholism is a disease, but I believe that it's
a disease that is curable. I too have been convicted of a DUI over a year
ago. I am thankful to God that I didn't injure or kill anybody. To the
angry mother with the son in prison: Your son needs to learn his lesson.
He should be thankful that he has his life. He has a chance to turn himself
around. I too have had a rough life. I had an abusive father, and now I
have no father. However, I have chosen to stop using that as an excuse to
drink, and to instead better myself, and my life, and to enjoy my family and
other loved-ones. I only hope that he does the same and that the mother
gets help of some kind also. Thank you for this web site, it has
strengthened my decision to be sober. I hope that it will help others who
have veered off the right path onto the wrong path of life as well.
Thank-you again...
A young woman who has opened her eyes,
Andrea
hi I read your page and I think what you guys at MADD are doing is the most
wonderful thing anyone could ever do for the victims of drunk drivers.. Im
19 yrs old and I used to drink and get high and stuff like that even though
I wasn't of legal age to do so but never once did I get behind the wheel of
a car and go driving it because even though I was impaired by drugs and
alcohol I knew enough not to do it. And also in response to the letter from
the angry mom who is putting all the blame on MADD for her sons actions I
have a couple things to say to you HOW DARE YOU BLAME MADD FOR WHAT YOUR
SON DID HE IS OLD ENOUGH AT THE AGE OF 18 TO MAKE HIS OWN DECISIONS!!! and
you as a mother should have known that at least you can still see your son
and tell him that you love him and hear him say it back to you these
families who have lost their loved ones will never ever hear them say it
again or be able to tell them that they love them... I have never been a
victim of drunk driving and I pray I never am but I feel for the families
who have lost their loved ones.. But to be totally honest I don't feel any
sympathy for you because you seem very bitter and cruel because of what your
son did you need some counseling to except the fact that what your son did
WAS NOT AN ACCIDENT IT WAS MURDER!!!!!!!! He knew exactly what he was doing
when he got behind the wheel of the car after he had drank alcohol and I
feel that because of what he did was his own actions not because he was
fatherless that just isn't an excuse if it was then I guess because I had no
father growing up I guess I should have went out and drove while I was
drinking now shouldn't have I ...... But I was more capable of my actions
then to do something stupid like that .......
I have been clean and sober for 4 and 1/2 yrs now and never again will I
ever touch another drop of alcohol or do drugs I seen what it does and I
feel that people like MADD are doing an excellent job at trying their
hardest to prevent anymore DUI'S and having more victims of DUI's to go
through the pain and suffering of losing a loved one ......
" planning a party then drinking and then driving is just like putting a
gun in your hand and then planning to commit a murder."
Cheye8889
The longer I leave this page this way, the more responses I get. Here are
even more...
When I was sixteen my cousin and best friend was killed by a drunk driver.
It had a huge impact on me. I have carried the sadness with me and the fear
all of my life. I am 52 now. Last week I was notified that my nephew was
in an terrible accident at college. He was apparently driving and of the
seven kids in the car, four are dead including his best friend from
childhood. He has been charged with DUI and manslaughter, a felony.
Like you, I have spent my life promoting the idea of no drinking and driving
to young people. I don't drink. My two teenage daughters and my neices
don't drink and drive. I have driven all over in the middle of the night to
pick up my kids and others who were either drinking and had no way home or
their only way home was to ride with someone who had been drinking. I never
complained but rather complimented them on making a good decision. I wish
they never drank at all but that is probably unrealistic and if I have zero
tolerance then they may not call me for a ride so I do what I can.
There were a few times when I was in college when I was out at the clubs all
evening with my friends and then drove home. I know in retrospect that I had
been drinking and was impaired although at the time you couldn't have told me
that. My father was an alcoholic and we always worried when he would drive
that he would kill some innocent family. Fortunately he did not. But all
these years later I ask myself how I could reconcile my own drinking and
driving? Was it because I thought his was worse because it was more?
All of these thoughts have gone through my head since the agonizing call last
week about my nephews accident. My 17 year old daughter who is very close to
her cousin said "Mom, I'm used to being on the other side and always wanted
to lock the door and throw away the key on anyone who drinks, drives and,
especially, kills someone and now I find myself wanting Rob to not have to go
to prison".
I have raised these kids to understand that for everything we do there is a co
nsequence. Some good, some bad, some just consequences. But when it comes
to a young man who, like my own, has been a good person, worked with
underprivelged kids, always been the designated driver, never had any type of
offense in his life, a top student (as were all of these tragic victims), and
who sees no reason to live anymore, I feel the same pain for him that I felt
when I lost my cousin.
If my own child were killed in such a circumstance would I forgive? I don't
know. It is such an unimaginable scenario and I wouldn't presume to know how
it feels because that would be so insulting to the parents whose children
have been killed by a drunk driver no matter how nice a guy or how clean his
record. If my own child with the stupidity and inexperience of youth under
some unimaginable circumstance drank, drove and killed would I just want to
save them from prison knowing that their life is ruined forever even though
they do still have a life?
Walking away without consequence is certainly not something I could live
with. But what is the best and proper consequence in a case like this? I do
know that our family is shattered as much by this loss of hope for the future
as we were when we lost Marilyn. I guess the difference is that Marilyn
didn't choose to make a bad decision and Rob did. He is 20 and does know
better. Aside from all the legal matters, there is a moral issue here which
I am struggling to understand.
Maybe MADD, an organization I have always respected, believed in, worked for,
and agreed with has room somewhere within itself for a place where people
whose children have died, and people whose children have killed, can come
together. In some families there are, tragically, children who represent
both. I am on line today searching for somewhere to find help, hope, support
for Rob's family and all the other innocent victims of his action. And for
him too. Can you help me?
Please respond to Catpeople@aol.com
My name is Janet Aubry
Thanks for your website - of the zillions of things I have looked at it is
the first one that meant something to me.
Hello! I just wanted to let you know that I loved your site! It is sad to see so many people are affected by this. My story is actually quite different from most of the ones I have been reading on your site (haven't finished all of them!). OK, here goes, forgive me if I have trouble typing this...it is still very hard when I stop and think about it all.
I am now 27 years old, married, two beautiful daughters, and a great husband. When I was only 16, I was in a terrible accident. The driver (who is now my husband) had been drinking. I wanted to take him home. We argued and finally I gave in and let him drive on the condition that if I said that he needed to pull over and let me drive he would. Well, exactly that happened. A few miles down the road, I told him to pull over so I could drive. It had been raining that night and there was water still standing on the road. When he started to pull over we hit some of that water and hydroplaned across the road, narrowly missing a large and very deep culvert, but still hitting a utility pole. We were both injured, but I my head went through the windshield. It was an accident that should never have happened, and we both learned an important lesson that night. I thank GOD that no one else was injured or killed because of us.
In July of 1995, when I was 21, my sister, who was only 16, was on her way home from work. She only got 2-3 miles outside of the town she worked in when her car was broadsided by another. The driver, a 20 yr old woman, was drunk. My sister didn't even know what hit her. The woman woke up in the hospital and thought she was still on the couch at her friends house! When she went to court, there were several (about 12) of her friends and family members who went up in front of the judge and read Victim Impact Statements to him. I think that was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. By the time we were all through, there wasn't a dry eye in the court room, including the judge. That's how incredible of a person my sister was.
The judge finally stated that he had NEVER sentenced a drunk driver to prison for this crime. We were all holding our breaths and praying. Finally after several minutes of silence, he declared his verdict. He sentenced the woman to 3 years in prison. Of which she served 1 year. She even got her license back when she got out!! I hope she doesn't repeat her actions.
After my sister was killed, it tore my whole family up. My dad started drinking more and so did my sister's mother. The high school kids though created a SADD Chapter in Bambi's honor and also made a memorial garden at the school for her.
On September 24, 2000, I got another late night phone call. My dad was in an accident! That was all they would tell me on the phone. When I got there they told me that he was dead. I felt like my whole world had collapsed! When I asked what happened, they said that his truck had hydroplaned (it was storming out) and that he hit a utility pole. However, he survived the accident. But he got out of his vehicle and started walking around for help. When he got about 75 feet from the vehicle, he stepped on the downed power line and was electrocuted. The first question I asked was "Had he been drinking?". They wouldn't say anything. Well, come to find out, YES, he had been.
It has been very hard for me these past few months. As I watched my daughter turn 6, I couldn't help but think about the last 5 birthday parties we have had for her. You see my dad's birthday was only a few days after hers and we always celebrated them at the same time. Christmas will again be especially hard because my dad will not be here this year and also because my sister's birthday is 2 days after.
I am thankful for everything I have in my life and cherish every day I have with my two beautiful daughters and husband, and the rest of my family.
I guess what I am trying to say is that from what I have read in several of the letters from people, one in particular, where the woman was mad because her 18 year old son was in prison. I feel that she should just be thankful that she still has her son. She should cherish every minute she spends with him, talking to him, or reading letters from him. Cause it could have been him that was dead and not someone else. She should look at it as a second chance for life and not as though her (and his) life is over. She should put herself in the other families shoes.....how would she feel if it was her son that someone had killed? Wouldn't she want that person punished? Wouldn't she want to make sure that this never happens to another person or loved one?
I am trying hard to get through all of this,,,,I feel no hatred for anyone....only sorrow for the lost love.
You can print my story if you would like....just please keep passing on the message "Don't Drink and Drive"!
I am going to recommend your site to others!
And one more:
I'm sure you've heard over and over about the
"email" by the pity-party mom. Those responses brought even more tears to
my eyes. I lost my 27-year-old cousin to a drunk driver in 1988. Sadly,
his 9-month-old son took his first steps the next day while the whole family
was there for his wife. There sure are twists of fate. I can't think of a
day that goes by that something doesn't bring back a memory of Vinnie. I,
too, support MADD here in Delaware.
Wrenching, isn't it folks? This is what I mean by thinking before you get behind the wheel of a vehicle after drinking. There is just NO way these things can be replaced. This woman's son may be serving jail time...but these victims are serving a life sentence without their loved ones!...
(These UNedited e-mails appear as I recieved them.)
Another story worth reading is located here
HERE is a story, written by the mother, who lost her baby due to a drunk driver. It's heartwrenching, folks, for at the time of the accident, her baby had not yet been born! See if you can get thru this one without a tear.
Visit your local M.A.D.D. chapter, and see how you can get involved. It's really not a difficult thing to do!
 | National Group Rides And Designated Drivers is a non-profit organization working to save lives from drunken driving by maintaining a national network of safe ride home programs in college communities. National GRADD assists in the development of new programs and the improvement of existing services by providing programming resources and making it easy for schools to work together. |
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